Thursday, January 04, 2007

Celebrity Big Brother

"Dregs Eleven" screamed The Sun this morning, referring to the dismal outpouring of "celebrities" who limped into the Big Brother house last night in what was, quite literally, the most spectacular way to dampen everyone's enthusiasm for the New Year... and it was only January 3. I mean, come on Channel 4: it's January and you have a captive audience of party-sozzled TV-viewers, surely you can do better than Cleo "I'm wacky, me" Rocos, Ian "H from Steps" Watkins and Jo "dog breeder' O'Meara from S Club 7.

The only contestants to get moderately enthusiastic about are Dirk Benedict and Jermaine Jackson (although poor old Jermaine was visibly thinking, "What the hell's going on here? My agent told me this was going to be full of Brit A-listers and all I've got is a disgraced Miss Britain and a Bollywood princess for company. I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!"). The introduction of Peaches Geldof's on/off Pete Doherty substitute, Donny Tourettes, was the only potential z-lister; I bet Sir Bob was thrilled when his middle-class brat brought home that treasured potty mouth - whose age ranges from 22 to 25 depending on what you read, although I'd rank him nearer 27 based on how long he's already been doing the circuit.

In the week before Christmas, I helped compile a list of the top 10 Celebrity Big Brother moments for a celeb weekly: those we opted for included the beautiful Mark Owen weeping upon being told he'd won, Jack Dee doing a runner, Anne Diamond and Goldie sewing a patchwork quilt together and the obvious Galloway/Lenska/cat incident. Based on these sterling highlights, I struggle to believe that this year's bunch is really the best Endemol could attract. More likely it's got something to do with the post-Christmas pinch of the purse strings.

If CBB is going to keep my attention (and I am a self-confessed viewing veteran of EVERY series of CBB and I'm A Celebrity, not to mention Celebrity Love Island), the introduction of Jade Goody and pals tomorrow is going to need to be just the start of a few twists and turns. All this upset has caused me to take to The Bed with Martin Amis and a sack load of chocolate money. So it's not all bad then.


Steve said...

I have to confess to a liking for Cleo based solely on my childhood memories of Kenny Everett... other than that I totally agree with your appraisal of the non-celebrity calibre of the other contestants.

Velvet Empire said...

I hope you'll be pleased to know that I've changed my mind about Cleo in the last few days - she's one up-for-it lady. And I really felt for her when loathsome witch Carole made poor Cleo cry about Kenny Everett.