"Seraphim Falls"

Caroline and I went to a preview of the new Pierce Brosnan and Liam Neeson film "Seraphim Falls" in Soho last night. It's billed as some kind of epic Western and a fight for rights, set after the Civil War in outback America in the 1830s. And heavens, was it tedious.

To clarify, Caroline and I met a year or two ago when we spent a year studying script-writing for films. And we both agreed that if we had dared submit a film with as little characterisation, narrative development or basic plot as this, we'd have been kicked off the course.

"Seraphim Falls" begins with a gun being fired at Pierce Brosnan while he's roasted a rabbit in a snowy wilderness. Pierce then runs off as a group of men give chase. Pierce then falls in a ravine, is swept down a manic waterfall, nearly drowns, loses his coat, gets out of the water, lights a fire, performs surgery on the gun wound in his arm, kills one of his pursuers... and on and on and on and on it goes. Barely a word was spoken. After 45 minutes we still didn't know who Pierce was, who the others were, why they were chasing him and, more importantly, we didn't care. So we left. There was another 75 minutes to get through and life seemed so short.

Avoid. Seriously, avoid. There is only so much beautiful scenery that can redeem a film as poorly constructed as this. Avoid.